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Jay
04 November 2012 @ 02:48 am

You know, sometimes I get alot going on in my head, feelings that I'm not quite sure how to put into words or thoughts. That through some miracle and digital word vomit, an image might be made and my feelings understood.

Mind:
I guess I should start off like I do most of my rants/venting sessions, by telling you. (the reader, or rather the empty canvas that shall be filled with words) That I just got finished watching a movie called "God Bless America", it was really good, if not a bit disturbing but awesome nonetheless. I don't know what to really say about it, because in some ways the movie reached out to me on a level I could understand the characters p.o.v., in other ways I felt as if I'd be a target (just from some of the things they named...like high fiving.)

Anywho, I got to thinking about how I pointless a bunch of things we do in everyday life is, and how in the end a lot of people are where they are, not because they deserved it but because they either sneaked their into the position or because it was a hand down from their father/mother. Idk I mean I'm not the best to talk about stuff like that, but it was really sad when even the main character's kindness was misinterpreted and got him in trouble.

I had to do a essay for Philosophy about my account of a "virtuous life" was, and I said someone who contemplates their actions. Now looking back on to it I should have been a bit more specific, which I'll get into in a bit. I was saying that someone should contemplate whether or not their actions would hurt someone else, aka not be a dick all the time. Which most people are. So she comments on it, if I think contemplating murder before doing it made it virtuous, and at first I thought, no. However, maybe that's not right...if someone is a homicidal maniac, or terrorist and we have the opportunity to end their reign of terror by killing them. Wouldn't that make it a virtuous act? Killing one to save many others? I'm not saying jump to that conclusion but that brings you back to the contemplation part. In the long run I think people should be honest with themselves and not just obey and follow. We put milk in our cereal because it's "normal" but why? Cereal will be cereal dry, heated or crushed. Maybe some water, or some sunny D might be a better alternative.

On a side note, school has been stressing me out.

Heart:
I've been told several times, that I wear my heart on my sleeve, and that I get involved to easily. I guess it's true. I've never been one of those guys who can just go up to someone and be like hey, you're hot we should make out. Maybe it's because of bad self image, maybe I feel like I'm not good enough. Maybe I'm just not a guy looking to just hook up with girls. Whatever the case is, I put myself out there when I really think I like someone, and most of the times it fires back in my face.

I've been thinking a lot more recently about my ex, or whatever she wants to call herself. I think about it and sometimes I just wonder how I would have been, had I not had that experience in my life, and to what extent it really was that I cared about her. I liked her, I liked her tons, but then I realize that she doesn't even come close to the amount of admiration I've felt for previous/recent girls. Sometimes though it's for the best I guess, because you never really can see a person for who they are, if you always try to put them in a favorable light. Some people are just ugly on the inside and to the core. 

Right now, I have this new friend and she's cool I guess. However she's pretty awful, and I listen to her stories because it's nice to be able to vent to people, which she enjoys doing. However I can't agree with her methods at all, being someone who has been in a relationship/or whatever where your interest/significant other is also interested and/or flirty with another guy is horrible. She doesn't see anything wrong with it, and says "he" being the boyfriend is okay with it, though I know one of the guys through what she said isn't. Sometimes I want to tell her, she's a horrible person and to stop acting like a bitch, but then I know that she is just turned 18 and has alot to learn. I know I'm only twenty-five but I feel like I've matured in some way since I was 21 or so.

There is no girl that I'm interested in right now, I guess. I tend not to let loose ends dangle for too long, but then again I guess that's not true. I am intrigued by this one girl, who I thought my have liked me, but I also was taking cautious steps around because another friend of mines thought the same thing and was clearly wrong. She doesn't seem like the type of girl who will lead someone on, but I also tend to read to deeply into things, and I'm just putting the breaks on this one. She's cool, and I really like hanging out with her but I this would be one of those irregular situations where a girl would have been interested in me first. Point being...we are friends, but I'm taking notes. On the other hand there IS this girl that I like...however I doubt I will ever act upon because she seems out of my league. She's one of those girls who is cute, knows she's cute..but then at the same time she doesn't have a problem hanging around with me or acting silly. She hard to read, but I'm not too concerned about it. I will admire her and our time together but stay my distance I suppose.

and as with most of my post the gas in which I started with has started to thin out and I start to drift off into nonsensical ramblings, so I shall end it here.

 
 
Jay
18 March 2011 @ 12:33 am
So it's been awhile since I wrote something (though technically that isn't entirely true), so I guess I'll play a little catch up. Which comes down to this, I got fired from King Kullen, techincally I haven't worked since Jan 31st but I officially heard the words "not hiring you back" on like march 3rd or something. It was all a bunch of bullshit, I got suspended for accidentally charging someone  $3.99 for a sandwich that was suppose to cost them $4.99. So it came out to be a dollar that I got fired for. I told them it was a mistake and that I was hurrying trying to help the line of customers that was there, the prices had recently gone up at work and I was just double checking to see how much the sandwiches were, but they didn't want to hear it...they said that I should have known the price of a sandwich and that I've been there long enough that I shouldn't have to ask. It got dragged on for the entire month of February and then sometime in March I got a call from the union saying "unfortunately King Kullen isn't taking you back" the bastards at King Kullen didn't even have the nerve to call me up themselves and I still haven't (not that I'm expecting to) recieved anything saying that I am fired, chances are they were persistant on firing me because I made time and a half on sundays and was paid more than most of the other newer part-timers there..so they saved money if they got rid of me. So I've been at home for about a month and a half now, and it's starting to get really boring, the first couple of days was cool because I could sleep in and what not, but now it's boring. I applied to Nassau county parks and I'll know if I'll get a job with them by April hopefully, that'll be a seasonal but long lasting job hopefully, and I get to work with Joe and it pays more. So overall it's better than King Kulllen to some extent. I also applied to Gamestop, who aren't hiring at the moment, but I have two people I know there who will push my application when they do start hiring, so hopefully I can get a job through there. I'd REALLY like that, it wouldn't pay as much as the parks though, but for A.C. and a cool ass job like working in a game store, I think I wouldn't mind it at all. So I'm hoping one of those will come through for me.

Although the main group of people I usually go with to Anime Boston aren't going this year, I still am. I'm really excited about it! I've been trying to fix up my Black Mage costume, based on the Final Fantasy look, I couldn't find a jacket and I wasn't a fan of the straight blue "snuggie" look lol, so I went a little variant of both, I couldn't find striped pants like I needed, I have some that work alright, but I really wish I could have the big striped pirate pants, but they don't really have anything I liked. Still I can't wait, Anime Boston definitely is one of my favorite cons, Otakon kinda is meh, and we don't go to I-con anymore, because it sucks hardcore. Anime Next was pretty cool though mhm.

That's pretty much it for now.
 
 
Current Mood: boredbored
 
 
Jay
04 September 2010 @ 12:44 am
So, finally I have another addiction that isn't either Final Fantasy or Inuyasha, and that would be "Scott Pilgrim" I've been reading the books, and I gotta say, it's amazing. So much fun to read that i've pretty much finished all 6 books in a week, but I've only really been reading them at work. I have to say Kim Pine and me kind of have the same personality lol, though I guess she's a tad bit more straight forward with some of the things that she says lol. Still. It's cool.

normal life has been kind of boring, but I'm planning on applying to some schools soon, I need to break this dull going to work or sitting at home routine that has become my everyday life. I also need to save money to get a car, I haven't gotten my license but I've gotten past that awkward worry I've been semi-dealing with. Not exactly sure what brought it about anyway. So it's just a matter of time before that happens.

Other than that not much is going on. God..."If your life had a face, I'd punch it....in the face"
 
 
Jay
23 August 2010 @ 08:33 pm
A MemeCollapse )
 
 
Jay
17 August 2010 @ 09:05 pm
I've been completely working waaayyyyy toooo much lately, the money will definitely boost my savings since i am kinda broke after Otakon...still 48 hours this week, including sunday. T_T

not even hanging out tonight like i said i would X_x
 
 
Current Mood: exhaustedexhausted
 
 
 
Jay
14 August 2010 @ 12:12 am
I'm so amped! Scott Pilgrim was amazing!! I saw it thursday/friday night at the midnight release and all day today it was on my mind. It makes me want to write again though..to get to that level. The art style for the comic wasn't amazing and yet it's originality and storyline made it  as popular as it is, and now with the movie (because I for one haven't read the comic yet) will just triple that audience easily. I'm following the guy on twitter, and he is very happy to see his work do so well. I wanna get to that point...I wanna see my ideas become books and maybe my books become movies.

I related to the movie a lot for the sheer fact that, Scott and Ramona's relationship seemed kinda like me and Brittany when we actually were still talking. Brittany is kinda like Ramona unsure of what she wants, Scott's a little more open than I am, but he has his silly awkward moments that I tend to have. *shrugg*

but enough of that, the reality of life now is that most things for me aren't going very uphill it's a very plateau-y and there's no signs of change. I need a new job, but to find one now and that pays well is a task, and I'm kinda afraid to do anything that's on the line of "professional" because everything I've ever done has been an "attempt" or for fun. Even now, my job is just a thing I do to get paid. I don't take it any more serious than I have to, and yet some people there act like it's there life's calling, not to mention the customers are more stupid than ever.

I wanna go back to college, a four year school...maybe build up my art skills and make some connections, but I feel like even that will be a waste of money. I can learn to draw better from here...at home, which I'm never at...because of work. Up until now life was easy. You get up, go to school...come home do hw...normal stuff, or get up, and go to work. Where do I go from here....I guess I should save money...maybe one day I can at least do something interesting with it.

Being shy also is holding me back, after seeing that movie..I'm just remembering back in 11th/ beginning of 12th grade where I wanted to act. I get pre-performance jitters but once I'm actually on stage I do pretty well. I don't know.... I'm rambling on because LIFE ITSELF IS BORING, I could party everyday...and hang out and do whatever the fuck I want forever...and I think it'd still be boring, there's a piece of me out there that I need to find to make everyday worth living.
 
 
Current Mood: sicksick
 
 
Jay
03 August 2010 @ 02:41 am
Everytime I feel like, if I was more normal, I'd probably find someone. I realize I don't want a girl who I have to pretend to be someone else around. If they can't except me for who I am, then I don't need them. Though it does suck seeing everyone else dating, even if it's not perfect. Hopefully one day that'll change....
 
 
Current Mood: lonelylonely
 
 
Jay
21 July 2010 @ 02:21 am
Dear No one in particular,

                Please make the weekend come quicker..
                                                                                    Thanks, Sincerly, you're number 1 fan
                                                                                                                                                        -Jay


once the weekend is here, i'll be minutes away from the best like 2 weeks ever =D hopefully =), don't wanna think too much about it...but for now needing some sleep
 
 
Jay
29 June 2010 @ 04:18 am

"He was a boy
she was a girl
Can I make it anymore obvious?
He was a punk
she did ballet
What more can I say?
He wanted her
shed never tell
secretly she wanted him as well

But all of her friends
stuck up their nose
they had a problem with his baggy clothes

He was a skater boy
she said see you later boy
he wasnt good enough for her
She had a pretty face
but her head was up in space

she needed to come back down to earth "  "Skater Boi"-Avril Lavigne

I was just sitting here...thinking when this song came to mind, and how it almost if not perfectly seems to fit how I'm feeling....she's hardly on my mind anymore except at night.....because she'd usually be the last person i'd speak to at night...but  it's her lost...
 
 
Current Mood: tiredtired
 
 
Jay
07 June 2010 @ 11:42 pm
Day 2: Your Crush

Chances are meant to be taken...Collapse )

also btw. this was a meme I took from dearxjessy  I forgots to mention that last time..

 
 
Current Mood: depressed...